My uterus wants a baby!

Besides writing about sex, I like writing about being a parent.

Here is my most recent contemplation of the troubles involved in wanting another child:

My first born, Iris

I felt so greedy wanting the third child, like as if my hands weren´t covered in enough snot from my two little jewels. I have read the lists on how the third will outnumber the two sets of parental hands and will cause chaos in the universe, but I don´t care. I want the kid like Smeagal needs The Ring. My body calls for it. All. The. Time. Its instinctive, its crazy, its all consuming. I feel myself wishing that my IBS was caused by an iron craving fetus kicking in all directions. But lets be practical. It did not make any sense to bring a third child into our small cramped apartment with two kids sharing a bedroom and I had just gotten an IUD inserted. Not the time at all.

Or was it?

I casually approached the subject with my dear and loving, but oh-so tired husband.

“So, you know how babies are sooo cute?”

Husband (reluctantly): “Yes…”
“I was kind of thinking if it would be fun to have another one, you know, just to give the kids a sibling and like yeah, it could be fun” (said in a way to hyper cheerleader-y tone)

Husband: “Do you really think this is the best time to be thinking about another child?”

Lets review the current status of our family. We have two kids, a girl, 4 years old, and a boy who is 2 years old. They were born 22 months apart and truth be told, I do not remember his first year. At all. I vaguely remember screaming, crying, breastmilk constantly staining alMy little one, Henryl my good tittie shirts (you know who you are “Girls gone wild” darlings), and me begging my
sister to come over so I could “cook dinner”. (boil pasta).

And no sex. Ever. I was about to loose my mind.
Me and hubby went to a wedding out in the countryside as my youngest one was thirteen months old and I swear to higher beings, I could not look hubby in the eye for a day and a half. Not because anything had happened. No particular argument or anything. I was just so angry, and frustrated and tired. I was about to burst at my C-section seams. My children were making my nerves crawl through my skin. I want to scream at anyone and everything. Hubby just happend to be trapped with me inside of a car, driving for five hourse straight going to celebrate my childless friends love. Oh the irony of it all.

By this point I have to confess one thing. My children actually sleep through the night. Sure they like to sneak into our bed and lay on top of us, drooling into the nooks and crannies of our facial cavities but still they slept. I can not fathom what I would have been like had they not slept. Lets just not even go there.

And one other thing. Me and my hubby are “The Perfect Couple”. We hear this all the time. I am not sure why people have labled us this. Maybe because he buys me birthday presents and is not a total shit? Maybe peoples standards of men are really low? In his defense, he is kind of great. People tell me all the time. “You are so lucky to have found him”, they say as their eyes glaze over in admiration of him changing the diaper or getting me a glass of water. Common people! It´s called being a nice human being, they don´t hand out medals for it.

IMG_3038Now where was I?

Oh right, the discussion of having the third child.

As I had planted the seed, I started my detective work figuring out what he felt needed to change in order to welcome one more child to our crazy little posse.

Husband: “I mean, it just complicates everything, like the car, how will we fit three carseats in our new car that I love and we just bought?”

So its practicalities you are after. Well I got nothing there.

Me: “My brain is screaming baby names to me in my sleep and my body feels empty and hollow and I am going crazy because I NEED A BABY”

Husband looked at me and in an instant knew that this was a lost battle. I am guessing the twinkle in his eye came from the realisation that this meant intercourse and plenty of it. At least around ovulation. This baby-making scheme might not be such a bad deal after all.

He sighed. “Alright, lets do it, lets turn the dial back two years and go back into infant-mode with naps, breastmilk, no sex, you tired and the house even more chaotic than it is. I am sure, it will be a blast”.

Battle won! Baby, come to mama! My empty (flubby) bellyfat and uterus awaits you! Fill my breasts with milk so I can publicly flash passers-by once more! Tear my cervix and call me Judy!

So you see, deciding to have a go for the third child is not about being finacially savy or smart, its about your crazy feelings, and even crazier dominatrix of a uterus!

Iris Loa

Lets see how things one plays itself out as we are currently in the “fun” zone of “thinking about it”.

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